Final Fantasy: The Game Show
by bahamutsky
Summary: The unofficial Final Fantasy Game Show, hosted by Laguna Loire, and commentated by Selphie Telmitt! Very Funny! Tons of fun!
1. Episode 1

Final Fantasy: The Game Show  
Episode 1  
  
Selphie: Live from Costa Del Sol, it's Final Fantasy: The Game Show! And here is your host, Laguna Loire!  
  
+ Fans Applaud +  
  
Laguna: Welcome to the show, where one lucky FF cast member may win 1 Million Gil!!! Now, to meet our 6 lucky contestants! From Cosmo Canyon, Nanaki! From, Besaid, Wakka! From Balamb, Zell Dincht! From Bran Bal, Zidane Tribal! From Narshe, Terra Branford! And, from Lesalia, Agrias Oaks! Now, to our first competition Trivial Pursuit! Selphie, if you would?  
  
Selphie: Question 1: Who killed Aeris Gainsborough?  
  
Nanaki: Sephiroth.  
  
Selphie: Good! #2: Who married Yu-  
  
Nanaki: Seymour.  
  
Selphie: Good! #3  
  
Nanaki: Green  
  
Selphie: #38  
  
Nanaki: Spiral of Death  
  
Selphie #59  
  
Nanaki: Raging hormones!  
  
Selphie: #100: What is the most continuous name in Final Fantasy?  
  
Nanaki: Biggs  
  
Selphie: Sorry  
  
Nanaki: NOOOOOOOOO-hackhack-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-hackhack-OOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Wakka: Boss  
  
Selphie: No!  
  
Agrias: Chocobo  
  
Selphie: No  
  
Terra: Cid!  
  
Selphie: Yes! The score is Nanaki: 99 Terra: 1 Rest: 0 Nanaki continues!  
  
Laguna: Now, for the physical competition! A race!  
  
+ Everyone races +  
  
Laguna: In 5th is Wakka, 4th is Terra, 3rd is Zell, 2nd is Agrias, Zidane Continues!  
  
Terra: Shiznits!  
  
Zell: Moo!  
  
Wakka: It sucks, ya? Ya? Ya? Ya? Ya?  
  
Agrias: Shut up, idiot!  
  
Wakka: I will, ya?  
  
Laguna: Now, you must be selected by the Select-O-Bot! Select-O-Bot, sniff out the final participant!  
  
Select-O-Bot: Scanning... Zell, too sexy... Wakka, too Jamaican... Agrias, too strong... Terra, you are the winner you sexy beast...  
  
BGM: I'm so excited! I just can't hide it! I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know... bzzt!!!  
  
Select-O-Bot: self-destruct, record broken, self-destruct...  
  
Laguna: Everyone look out!  
  
+ Laguna destroys Select-O-Bot +  
  
Laguna: Now, we will randomly pick an event! Eat 1000 marshmallows the fastest! Go! After, one hour, Nanaki-207 Zidane-381 Terra-367!  
  
Zidane: POTTY!!!  
  
+ Zidane releases waste on stage +  
  
Laguna, at 4 hours and 19 minutes Terra wins! Terra also gets to pick out of our 16 doors for gil!  
  
Terra: 7  
  
Laguna: 908 Gil! Good job and we'll see you next week!  
  
Selphie: Brought to you by McDonald's I'm loving it!, Square Enix's Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles, and Barbie from Mattel! See you soon! 


	2. Episode 2

Final Fantasy: The Game Show  
  
Episode 2: Valentine's Day Edition  
  
Selphie: Live from Shin-Ra rocket No. 26, it's Final Fantasy: The Game Show! So grab your valentine and heeeeere's Laguna Loire!  
  
+ Fans applaud +  
  
Laguna: Thanks, Selphie! Ok, today is Valentine's Day! We've brought six FF hotties to sell 100 heart shaped boxes of chocolates for 800 Gil! They each get a chocobo to guide them around! This was all taped yesterday and you will see who wins! Let's see how Tifa did?  
  
+ On the screen +  
  
Tifa: Will you buy chocolates for 800 Gil?  
  
Homeless Bum: With those jugs I'll buy 12 boxes, but I'm broke!  
  
Tifa: F you!  
  
+ Tifa walks to a lesbian +  
  
Tifa: Would you want some chocolates for 800 gil?  
  
Lesbian: Oh yes! Yes! I'll buy 60, sexy beast!  
  
+ Tifa takes the gil and gives her the chocolates and runs +  
  
Laguna: Tifa clocked in at 79 minutes! Now, lets check on Lulu! Oops, Lulu and Freya have not completed! Now, let's see how Celes did!  
  
+ On the screen +  
  
Celes: Chocolate?  
  
All: YES, SEXY LADY!  
  
Laguna: Celes clocked in at 29 minutes! Now let's see Paine! Oops, Paine broke the camera but sold them all in 187 minutes! Ok, let's see Quistis! She clocked in at 7 minutes!  
  
Quistis: You like me! You really like me! I'd like to thank my mom, my dad, and OH MY GOD, did someone just die?  
  
Laguna: Ooops!  
  
+ The rocket flies off course +  
  
Cid: I'll save you!  
  
+ All the Cids pilot the rocket into a parallel universe +  
  
Rinoa: Oooh!  
  
Yuffie: Ooh!  
  
Girl: I'm Yanu! This is Tudis, Kawa, Rauno, Lucy, Himarki, and Kirru!  
  
Girl: I'm Saire, this is Fog, Fita, Rabbit, Blue, Fuyie, Dic, Kate This, and Cinvent!  
  
Girl: I'm Narget! This is Dizane, Stinner, Vivian, Kieo, Fyera, Kinga, and Aramant!  
  
Girl: I'm Inoar! This is Qualls, Uistisq, Rvinei, Ellz, Agunal, Elfies, and Deae!  
  
Terra: Aiiiiiiieeeee- fart!  
  
+ Terra's windbreak destroys both universes +  
  
Pyreflies: Have a happy, have a happy, have a hap hap happy Valentines Day! 


	3. Episode 3

Selphie: Live from beautiful Balamb Garden, its Final Fantasy: The Game Show! And filling in for Sir Laguna is-  
  
Weakest Link Host: Welcome to the Weakest Link!  
  
Audience: Boo!  
  
Selphie: Contestants?  
  
Lulu: Lulu, 22, Black Mage, Besaid  
  
Yuffie: Yuffie, 14, Ninja, Wutai  
  
Steiner: Adelbert, 35, Knight, Alexandria  
  
Squall: Squall, 17, See-D Unit, Balamb  
  
Eiko: Eiko, 6, Summoner, Madain Sari  
  
Quistis: Quistis, 18, Intructor, Balamb  
  
Vincent: Vincent, 29, Vampire, Nibelheim  
  
Tidus: Tidus, 17, Blitzball Player, Zanarkand  
  
WLH: Let's play! Lulu, if clowns were edible, what flavor would they be?  
  
Lulu: Cherry?  
  
WLH: No, Human and Whipped Cream! Yuffie what came first the chicken or the egg?  
  
Yuffie: Egg!  
  
WLH: No the sock! Adelbert, who invented midgets?  
  
Steiner: Vivi  
  
WLH: No, Santa! Squall, name five cows  
  
Squall: You, Ellone, Lulu, Elsie, and you  
  
WLH: No, Eiko, who invented you?  
  
Eiko: God!  
  
WLH: Yes, Quistis, who is your B(@$#?  
  
Quistis: You!  
  
WLH: Yes, Vincent-  
  
Vincent: I like eggs  
  
WLH: No, Tidus-  
  
Vincent: I like eggs  
  
WLH: Vote now lazy peoples!  
  
Selphie: All but Eiko and Quistis are the Weakest Link  
  
WLH: Voting over!  
  
Lulu: Squall  
  
Yuffie: Vincent  
  
Steiner: Eiko  
  
Squall: Lu  
  
Eiko: Steiner  
  
Quistis: Tidus  
  
Vincent: Eggs  
  
Tidus: Yuffie  
  
WLH: Quistis wins! Pick a prize  
  
Quistis: 9  
  
WLH: You win 22783 Gil!  
  
Selphie: Brought to you by The Gullwings! Don't forget to get their latest album, real Emotion, available in your imagination, and Barbie from Mattel! 


End file.
